The Power of Youth Sports Coaches
If you’re a sports parent like me, you’ve very likely spent many long hours, days, and weekends coming into contact with youth sports coaches. You might even be a coach. But have you ever stopped to think about the power and influence these coaches have over our young athletes?
My son, who is a senior now, started hockey when he was in second grade. When he was in 5th grade, he started playing football. Both of my girls have been basketball players. I have had a lot of time to observe the adults in the room at sporting events, both coaches and spectators. I’ve heard my kids talk about their coaches, sometimes with great respect, sometimes with great frustration.
Last weekend, my youngest had a junior high basketball tournament. During the fourth game, the coach of the opposing team seemed to have some anger issues. I, like most of the crowd, was watching him yell and tantrum from the sidelines. He was pacing, grabbing his head, pointing, gesturing aggressively. It didn’t seem to matter whether his team was making baskets or not; he was mad. But I also observed something else that a lot of others probably didn’t- his team was not trying harder as he yelled more. The girls were showing frustration. They looked upset, weren’t celebrating making baskets. They were just immediately going on the defense again and looking a little scared and way too tired.
While watching all of this, I was also watching our coaches like I often do during games. Our coaches were coaching from the sidelines, and you could sometimes see frustration flash across their faces, but they weren’t yelling. They weren’t belittling the girls. They were encouraging and cheered when they made any moves that were good, not just when they scored. One of our coaches even got after a couple of our girls on the bench for not being positive and encouraging to the girls on the court.
Our girls lost that game, but they walked out of the gym smiling, high-fiving each other, and encouraging each other, saying things like they’d win the next game, it’s okay. The team that won? They walked out of the gym looking exhausted and defeated. Not how you would expect a team to look that just won and was going on to play the championship game.
My biggest frustration with youth sports has always been that coaches and spectators seem to forget that these are children. Even those seniors running onto the football field, skating onto the ice, running out onto the gym floor, or baseball field are youth playing youth sports. They are not pro sports players. They aren’t being paid to be there. And the vast majority of them will never be pro athletes. We will save aggressive spectators for another day, though.
Coaches have the ability and privilege to help shape our children into good people. Whether we want to admit it or not, kids don’t always listen to their parents, especially teenagers. But they sure seem to take to heart what their coaches say and do. I have spent the last 4 years listen to my son talk about his football coaches with so much respect. And this season, my daughter had two awesome basketball coaches that she has talked about a lot, especially her female coach who has not only coached her on the court, but allowed her to be a safe space to talk about stuff outside of basketball. They say it takes a village to raise children, and I fully agree with that. That village often includes coaches. My children have been very fortunate to have amazing coaches in our village.
If you are a youth coach, I highly encourage you to stop and pay attention not only the game, but to your players. See how they are reacting to you and your coaching methods. Watch their unspoken reactions. How are they acting after a game? Are they showing frustration during the game? Anger? Or are they showing calm determination? Do they feel comfortable coming to you outside of games, whether that’s at practice or not? Whether you realize it or not, you didn’t just sign up to be a youth sports coach. You also signed up to be a role model and life coach for these kids, at least for a couple of months a year. What kind of coach do you want to be? What kind of adults do you want these kids to become? You hold more power over their lives than you might realize. Use it wisely.
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